My functional dysfunctional family

My mum, who wanted me to sell my virginity on ebay (for no less than 5 mill, of course!), but then decided I should keep it until I'm at least 35.
My sister, who says I'm gay and a loser (on the bad days). We're chalk and cheese, but get on like wildfire (the good days).
My mum's boyfriend, who is obsessed with cooking us gourmet every night, and buys $400 pots.
My Dad, who is occasionally in the country. Who gets up in the morning to make me a chicken wrap, even though he is puffed out by the end of it.
My swedish stepmum, who insists on walking around the house topless. Gravity has not been kind. Oh and, she loves rosemary, a lot.
Then there are the asian girls, who live in the house.
And me, I love them.